Being young

Being young is horrible. It’s always been said, “Youth is wasted on the young” and that is so true. I don’t think it’s the youths fault though. Seriously, if there wasn’t so much pressure and schoolwork stifling us, I think things would be a lot easier – but then again, we can always find something to complain about.

I’m mostly talking about myself. I’ve never really identified myself with ‘age related’ words, such as ‘teen’, ‘pre-teen’, ‘tween’, etc. I’ve always seen myself as being emotionally secure and mature enough to just refer to myself as Felicity. But since hitting 16 things have seriously gone pear shaped.

It all started on 22nd of February, I think. That was the day when a huge earthquake hit the city where I was living. I think it was around that point that my sanity left… though that may be an extreme way to put it. Let’s just say, everyone became vulnerable, indecisive, confused, afraid. Against our better judgement, me and my mother were advised by people who we considered ‘friends’ to move to a different part of the country. I’ve always dreamed of moving, my whole life. I spent all my time at school gazing out the window looking at the world I thought I was missing out on. I was so eager to move, to start fresh, to regain my life, I thought nothing could go wrong. A part of me knew it could potentially go bad, but being young and naïve, I convinced my mother to anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, the place we moved to is beautiful. Modern, yet still green and natural. I don’t mean natural as in bio-fuel natural, I mean natural as in hills covered in wild New Zealand forest, public parks bursting with nature and beauty, still containing an air of being untamed and untouched by people. Unique and charming houses, painted in bright and unusual colours, nestled in these valleys. Yes, I love it here. I feel like if I’d only come under better circumstances, perhaps if I’d been emotionally stable, only then would I be able to have appreciated my surroundings and be much more receptive.

When I got here, I left school, and started doing Correspondence/At home learning. Where is the problem, you’re probably thinking? I myself am thrilled to not be around the politics and unfairness of highschool, yet I find myself too stressed to cope. Maybe this is because of the whole earthquake situation – I can’t figure it out. I only take languages now, my favourite subjects, but I still have breakdowns every other day, it feels like. All my life I have been more privileged than most, though not in monetary terms. I have been rich in support, drive, and interests. I can’t understand why I’m stressed. I personally believe it’s because I’m still stuck in the useless school system. I’ve escaped the concrete room, but not yet the concrete building. I resent having to study for exams that they want me to take, in order to get a job where I work for them. But for me I feel like there is no way around it. I have to continue.

I don’t know what I want to do. I want to live in the present, enjoy life, and then do something as a job for myself, not for others. It’s simple, but possibly the most impossible thing in the world.

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